Friday, December 17, 2010

"It's that time of year, when all the world falls in love..."

Note: this blog post is for my followers who happen to be un-spoken-for and un-married young women... :)

Yep, it's that time of year......when all the world falls in love! Well, so they say. And I think there is some truth in that. Well, you know...IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME! The time that you most certainly would want someone in your life to share in the magic and joy of the season. Right?


I have a confession to make.

I am lonely. I am bona fide lonesome.

How many of you other young ladies out there are feeling the same way I am right now?

I'm about to become really transparent here. Okay? Just bear with me.

I don't like it. I am having a hard time with the fact that the Lord has not brought my man into my life yet. I don't like the fact that I am still un-spoken for. I am struggling with the fact that it seems like EVERYONE around me is courting, or becoming engaged, or getting married. I feel like a barren woman around a lot of women who are with child. I don't like it.

I am human, a female human at that, and so I am prone to self-pity. I am prone to doubt, to fear, to insecurity, and to psycho-analysis. :P It's hard. Yes ma'am, it is quite hard. I simply cannot and will not sit here and pretend to be content; pretend like I am a perfectly patient woman and will be all smiles until God brings me and my man together. I refuse. That is not healthy. It is not natural. I have cried myself to sleep I don't know how many times...and that's all right. It's okay. There is a reason we have tear ducts. See, almost every time I have cried, I have been in prayer. When I express myself and my feelings to my Savior, I cry; especially when it concerns things of this nature. He hears me; and He cares. I know He does. After all, He is the one who made me a woman. He is the one who has called me to one day be a wife and mother...He is the one who has put those desires and affections in my heart. It's the way we are programmed!!

and that's when He catches each one of those tears...and He leads me to a passage of Scripture. He has His own ways of putting His hand on my shoulder, of hugging me, of telling me that it's all going to be all right. He whispers "Fret not" into my ear. And then I am covered in peace.

Until the next time something reminds me of just how lonesome I really am, and how badly I want that kind of companionship....and how everyone else around me has it, and then I get to thinking "well then, something must be terribly wrong with me..."
a million miles a minute....thoughts...fears...insecurities...boom, boom, boom...
back at square one...........where did that peace go? Where did that contentment run and hide?

Ha! It's ridiculous!! It really is.

I am sharing all this in hopes that I am not the only one who has these feelings. These swings. These loony ups and downs. I am just stating the fact that I am a very imperfect human who is struggling right now.

Yes you need to keep yourself busy while you wait for your man. Yes, you need to be filled with the joy of the Lord. Yes, you do need to pray and seek and pray and read and pray. Yes, you do need to help your family and be a blessing to those you do have in your life currently.....I am by no means dis-crediting those things! By no means! I am just trying to communicate that it is not easy waiting. It ain't easy a'tall! That it's (hopefully) normal to struggle, to have ups and downs, to be a crazy loon at times. Just keep seeking God and His will and ask for the grace to pull through.

And that's the thing. It WILL happen! It will! One day I will be very happily married to the most amazing man in the world.....I'll be pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen...I will have several other young'uns all running about me, and I will be incandescently happy. It will be my dream come true. And I'll say it one more time! it will come true. One day. And that's where the problem lies....we females don't like it when we don't know things...and in this situation the question is WHEN? It's enough to drive us mad. Right? Of course. That's one of the reasons we cry ourselves to sleep. Yep. Oh dear....

but like I said, it will happen one day and that is EXCITING! Very much so! :)
The waiting will be all worth it.

So, in the meantime....l

--love those you have the ability to love! Your parents, your siblings, your godly companions

--find ways to bless others

--explore and persue your personal interests--it's okay! I promise! I like chickens and gardening, SO, I am going to have fun this Spring with chickens and gardening!! =D

--smile, and find joy in the little things we take for granted every day...get drunk on sunshine....catch sight of a bluebird...get lost in the eyes of your youngest sibling...take note of every time your mother blesses you...and sigh often...sigh contentedly with the overwhelming-ness of the love you already have in your life

yes, pray, and pray hard. Pray for God to bolster your heart with give you the grace to get through the ups and downs, to lead you by the speak to cover you with peace.

and pray for your man. No, you still don't know who or where he is. Neither do I. But we can pray nontheless. Pray for the Lord your God to keep pour out His love on him, to abundantly shower him with His blessings...and one day, in His perfect timing....well, you'll know that you know that you know. :)

So ladies, be strong and of good courage. But don't be afraid to cry. Breakdowns are expected and Mama's hugs are remedial. Read the Word of our Lord. Ask Him to hear you; He does. And one day.....we will all be happily married and expecting our sixth child and we will smile...and think to ourselves...."oh Lord, why did we ever doubt you?" :)

Psalm 37:5
"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass."

oh, and go read Psalm 139 while you're at it. :)


Green Gardening Girl said...

WONDERFUL post Jess! I loved it!!

Keep writing wonderful stuff like that. I miss hearing from you!

Love, This Jess

Elisha said...

well just so you know, your not alone in your feelings about this...I cried myself to sleep the other night, but I am back on my feet again doing what I'll always do until the LORD brings him along. I LOVE YOU GIRL so so so very much and I am praying for you!!!
E <3 (1 Thess. 5:14-24 & 2 Cor. 12:9-10)

Jess said...

Thank you Jess & Elisha! Very much. I am glad ya'll liked it.

This time is indeed more trying than I ever expected it to be. BUT, God is in control. For He knows the plans He has for us!!!!! :)

Janel said...

Very well said! I just came across your blog today, and when I read this post, I immediately thought of my dear sister, who struggles with this topic the same as you. I am blessed to have a husband, and even a sweet little daughter, but I was certainly at this point a few years ago. Thanks for the great reminder that tears are okay, and God is still in control and listening.

Morgan said...

I know exactly how you feel.:) I have friends who feel this way as well. It is hard, and I have cried over it too. I hold to the promise that Yahweh has good for my future, not bad. He will do what is best!


Nana and Dedad said...

Wait for the LORD, be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14

Do not throw away your confidence, it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10: 35-36

remember rain helps your plants grow....the same can be said for tears...

We love you sweetie,
Nana and Dedad

Jess said...

Janel: Thank you for your comment! It is good to know that I am not the only one who struggles with this; tell your sister that one day we will both be wearing wedding dresses and all this waiting will be worth it! I looked at your blog. :) Your daughter is simply gorgeous! =D

Morgan: Amen! He positively knows best!!! And it is exciting to look forward to His glorious plans...!

Nana: thank you. Your comment meant so much. And those verses. Thank you. :) I love you more than you could ever know!! <3

LoLo said...

Jess... what a beautiful post! You write so wonderfully and it makes me want to read more :) I feel the same way at times!! This season especially has been hard for me and your post gave me encouragement and excitement for the future! I love you girl and even though we don't see each other as often as I would like :) I am still so thankful for you and for our friendship!