It's a fact that chickens have to eat. It's a fact that cell phone and insurance bills need to be paid. It's a fact that gasoline is sometimes needed. Well, it's also a fact that I have to find money somewhere. I have been blessed with some small jobs helping a couple ladies with their house-keeping, and have enjoyed that immensely. However, I feel I need something more, since I am barely keeping up and I want to start saving a lot more. Well, I filled out and dropped off a few applications in Monroe. One of them being at Chik-fil-a. Well, a few days passed and I was called back for an interview.
During the course of my second interview, which was with the store operator, he asked me a very profound question.
"So, what would you say your long-term goals are? What is your goal in life?"
I was dumbfounded. Not because it was an unusual question, but because I knew my answer would stun the poor man. Thoughts and words raced through my mind and I was strugging for words to say. "Oh Lord", I thought, "what am I supposed to say to this?"
I sure couldn't say, "Well, I am going to attend college and pursue a career in ______."
What was I going to say? Oh dawg this was hard!
about ten seconds passed while all this was going through my head, I looked the man in the eyes, and told him the truth.
"Well, um, to glorify God, and um, to one day be a godly wife and mother, Lord willin'."
His eyes did not drop. His brows did not furrow. His face did not take on a skeptical expression at all. Instead, a smile spread across his face. A smile crept across mine, and I continued....
"I know you probably don't get that answer too often, but it's true, and those are my goals."
His smile lingered, and he said, "Well, I think that's great."
Now, I was very blessed to get this person and I am so thankful for his kindness.
But ya know. Think about it. I am a 19 year old un-married, un-spoken for female, and my desires, my goals, everything I want to be, well, it's so RIDICULOUSLY different than what everyone else around me wants. I see other girls my age, and all they can think about is education and career. Or maybe their boyfriends. Or maybe going to that party next weekend. I see what they want. And I see what they're getting. And I don't want it. But what about what other folks want for me? When they ask me questions similiar to that asked by Mr. Store Operator, they expect a good answer. They expect a smiling gal like me to tell them of the college I am attending. They expect me to tell them of my latest boyfriend, and how that's going. They expect me to tell them of all the things I am learning in my classes. They expect to hear how I hope to grow in the career they think I must have chosen. After all, I am a smart gal.
I stand there, wondering how on earth to respond. My mind is criss-crossed with a million thoughts. How would they respond if I told them I have absolutely no desire to attend college, and that I don't think it's necessary for everyone. Especially for me. And if I were to tell them, well, that one day I hope to have as many children as the Lord sees fit to give, well Lord have mercy, some folks might just faint. How are they to understand that my heart is yearning and praying for my future husband. And they sure don't wanna know the kinda books I've been reading!! (see previous post ;)
It's a hard thing. It really is. And all you girls out there with similiar convictions-- I am sure you've been placed in the same situations.
I dunno. I'm done. I am done with it. I am done with being afraid to share what my desires really are. I am done with standing there, struggling for things to say so I won't offend anyone or I won't confuse or astound them with my radical "goals." I am not ashamed. Nope. That's it. This is my life, for God's glory. And if anyone ever asks me (and good gracious I know they will), well, I will tell them. With a huge smile on my face. A sincere smile. And certainly with peace in my heart. "I think the Lord has called me to be a daughter and sister for now. And one day, (oh glorious day!) I will be a wife and mother."
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